Surviving as a single person during the holidays - WCIV-TV | ABC News 4 - Charleston News, Sports, Weather

By Eve Glicksman, Staff Writer, myOptumHealth
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The parties are on. The good will is thick. Everyone is brimming with holiday cheer -- except you.

If you are single, the holidays can tap into loneliness and grief. It might be your first Christmas without a spouse. You're awkward as the only single at your holiday office party. Or you're crushed not to have a date on New Year's Eve.

We live in a couples-oriented culture. Birthdays, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, July 4th or other special occasions may evoke the same sting as the December holidays. These special days can magnify any void you may feel as a single. Events may also call up bittersweet memories about a partner who is no longer with you.

Compounding all this, some singles feel judged, ashamed or uncomfortable when alone at high-profile holiday or social functions like weddings.

It's just another day

Be realistic about what you think you may be missing. We're bombarded by holiday hype in the media. While you may feel like you are the only one who is not jolly, keep in mind that many others are separated, divorced, never-married or widowed. Still others have mates who are traveling or in military service during celebrations.

Are you overrating holidays? New Year's Eve can be the worst night of the year to go out on the town, between drunk drivers and overpriced events. Then there are marital or in-law tensions that can peak during holidays. You might find yourself surprised that some married folks may envy your having peaceful time to yourself this time of year.

Take charge

Being single can be a bummer sometimes, but you also have the choice not to sit back and let that happen. Take care of yourself if you have a tendency toward holiday blues. This could mean skipping a family gathering if it will be too painful after a spouse's death. Or ask a friend to be your date at a holiday party if you don't want to go it alone.

Here are some other ideas to make your own joy for the season:

• Make a date with yourself. Indulge in favorite things. Treat yourself to a special take-out meal. Buy a book you've been dying to read. Rent a movie and snuggle up with a pet. Relax in a bubble bath.
  
  
• Reach out. Don't count on others to figure out you could use some company. Drop a hint that you have no plans. Many people love to open their homes at the holidays.
  
  
• Make your own party. Find other holiday orphans and create an "alternative family." Arrange a pot luck dinner or movie outing.
  
  
• Chat it up. Ring in the new year with others in an online chat room. You'll feel less alone and might make some friends.
  
  
• Help others. Volunteer for people in need at a homeless shelter or senior center. You'll feel more connected and it will help to put the holiday in perspective.
  
  
• Skip the holiday if it upsets you. Take a trip to get out of the tinsel-and-Santa mind-set. Plan activities unrelated to the holidays.
  
  
• Lose yourself in a project. Start a scrapbook, paint your bedroom, update your journal or learn a new tune on the piano.

Above all, don't let loneliness or self-pity get the better of you. Being part of a couple is not the only way to find meaning in the holiday. Having time for yourself is a gift. You can even use it to make resolutions and set goals for the coming year so it is the best one yet for you.

View the original Surviving as a single during the holidays and other special occasions article on myOptumHealth.com 

SOURCES:

• National Mental Health Association. Holiday depression & stress. Accessed: 10/20/2008
• Baylor College of Medicine. Home alone for the holidays. Accessed: 10/20/2008
• Healthy Aging Partnership. Recognize and combat holiday depression caused by loss of loved ones. Accessed: 10/20/2008